If I won the lottery....

So, our current Mega-Millions jackpot is up to over $600 million, apparently the highest in its history.  I do not normally gamble at all.  On rare occasions, I'll get a wild hair and buy a scratch off, but that's very, very rare.  I won $50 once.  It was a cool feeling.  But, I think I shall definitely have to buy a couple of these $600 Mega-Million tickets.  Which, of course, always makes one think of what you would do with that much money (somewhere around $400 million after taxes). 

1.  I would buy a house and two new cars. 
2.  I would put money away for both of the boys' college funds. 
3.  I would quit work.  There, I said it.  I would never be "forced" to work another day in my life.  That's not to say that I wouldn't work, I would just work when and how I chose to.
4.  I would completely remodel and fix my grandparents' house....or maybe just buy them a new one.  But they would live out the rest of their lives in style. 
5.  I would definitely share.  Joey and I would find some way to help our immediate family financially.  I don't know how we would do it, but we would. 
6.  I would travel....a lot.  My family would make an art of travelling the globe.  African safaris, Australian outback, England, Italy, Germany, and lots and lots and lots of tropical places. 
7.  I would hire a maid.  I would never clean house or do laundry again.  It would be awesome. 
8.  I might even hire a chef. 
9.  I would give to some charity....maybe the American Cancer Society or something. 

Okay, that's it.  I just need to win. 

Things this week that made me happy

I'm in such a great mood this morning, I thought I'd make a list of all the things that happened this week that made me happy.  (Trust me, there were an equal number of things that could've spoiled my happiness, but again--I feel it's the little things in life that we often overlook, so I'm sharing.)

1.  My boys had their first baseball game on Saturday.  This was my youngest's first non-teeball game, and my oldest tends to crack under the undue pressure he puts on himself in a game, so I wasn't expecting much.  However, this Saturday was an extremely exciting suprise.  My oldest hit the ball all three times he was up to bat and made it to base.  On his last hit, he scored an in-field home run.  Um, yeah--I was stoked.  My youngest was up to bat twice, in the bottom of the line-up, of course, because he's also one of the youngest on the team.  He knocked the ball almost to the outfield and made it to base twice.  He made it home by subsequent batters his second time up.  So, I had five opportunities during one game to yell, "THAT'S MY KID!!!!"  I didn't....but I could have.  I was beaming.  Awesome way to start the season!!

2.  I have become a fan of the show, "The Voice."  I was already a fan of Blake Shelton and Adam Levine, so this was just an initial great reason to get into a new show.  Number one, they are both GORGEOUS.  Number two, they are both funny.  It doesn't get any better.  Imagine my surprise when I picked up this week's People magazine (I am an admitted People addict) and they were on the cover.  While reading the article last night in bed, my husband commented that I was smiling while reading.  Yup, I was.  They are even funny in print.  And the pics were great.  I would absolutely love to hang out with them for a day.  I even love Miranda Lambert, Blake's real-life wife.  It made me happy. 

3.  Also a fan of Colton on American Idol.  He's great looking (although that sort of makes me borderline gross, as he could probably be my son), he can sing, and he plays the piano.  And his performance this week was "The Piano Man," a song that I have always loved.  And it rocked.  Oh, yeah--the little things.  I love him, and really hope he wins, although I admittedly love several of the other contestants, too. 

4.  Also on AI, Steven Tyler got ticked off and kinda reamed HeeJun.  I can't stand that dude.  He's so obnoxious, and he even admitted that he didn't care whether he won or not.  That's so insulting to the other kids who really want to win.  I loved it that someone finally read him the riot act.  I admit that he can be funny and slightly entertaining at times, but AI is not a comedy routine.  It's a talent competition for singing.  He's got a decent voice, but he lets his stupidity overshadow it.  He really gets on my nerves, so I was very happy that Steven Tyler finally put him in his place. 

5.  I finished my last non-Accounting class assignment this morning.  That means 11 more classes, all Accounting, before I FINALLY graduate from college (hey--it has only taken me 18 years).  That's exactly nine months from today that I will officially be a college graduate.  I've been in school for eleven months.  I can do this.  And, I am still on the Chancellor's List with a 4.0 GPA.  That is an accomplishment I NEVER expected.  Working full-time, being a baseball mom, AND keeping a 4.0 GPA?  Wow.  I'm super proud of myself. 

      So, that's it.  I've had a good week.  Like I said, I have an equal amount to complain about, but that would be to no avail.  Complaining is anti-productive.  I like to try to focus on the great whenever possible.  Today, it is definitely possible.  So I am. 

Right where I should be....

How I know I'm right where I should be in life:

1.  I did an accounting assignment this morning for one of my classes.  It took me about 5-6 hours and consisted primarily of computing financial ratios and comparing/contrasting the financial statements and accompanying ratios of two different IT companies.  I loved it. 
2.  I'm off today.
3.  My boys are ready for baseball practice and are outside "warming up" before practice....of their own choice....did I mention I always wanted boys that loved to play baseball?
4.  I was able to go into the pet store today, fall madly in love with an adorable little black kitten with a white nose, as well as two adorable little baby dumbo rats, and walk out without any of them in my possession.  This is not a feat I would have deemed possible several years ago....
5.  Whilst in the pet store, someone had apparently ticked off the ball python so that he was all coiled up into his little "s" striking stance.  The minute I walked over and put my hand near the glass, he struck the glass.....several times.  Clearly, being on the outside of his tank was the right place to be.  It was quite funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed teasing him and repeatedly making him strike his head against the glass.  While I know he's not poisonous, I don't wager that getting bit by him would be real fun either.  I now know that I don't ever want a pet snake (yes, that had been debatable up until this point).  I much prefer the cute, cuddly ones.
6.  Did I mention I'm off work today?
7.  I don't have anything to complain about.  I mean, I guess I do, but I don't feel like it.  I'm happy.  I'm content.  I'm satisfied.  I'm me.  That's a good place to find yourself. 

Hope you're in the right place right now.  :)

My Thoughts on the Purpose of Life

For my ethics class a couple of months ago, I had to write a paper on my beliefs about the purpose of life.  I struggled with this at first, but then put it all together after much thought.  I was pretty proud of my results, so today (as I was a jerk yesterday and was threatening to punch people in the face), I will make an attempt to redeem myself by posting my paper.  It was good for me to do, for myself, because it solidified everything that I already knew and believed, if that makes any sense.  It's funny--you think you know exactly how you feel and what you think and believe until you have to write a paper about it.  Then it gets a little more sticky.....lol.  So, this is it.  It has some personal info about me that I have only previously shared with a very few number of people.  So, I guess this is me broadcasting it across the internet.  Clearly, I don't care.  The past is the past, and I don't look there except to occasionally reminisce over some fond memories.  I hope you enjoy it.  I sure enjoyed writing it.  :) ~~~~~~

What is the meaning of life?  Each person’s answer to this question will likely be as unique as the person answering it.   After thinking about this “what is the meaning of life?” question for the last two days, a Bible verse kept returning to my mind.  To me, this is the long version of saying that God has a plan for each of us.   Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven” (Bible).  I have always believed that God designed me with a purpose in mind.  Depending on my degree of faithfulness and devotion with Him at any given time, that is the degree of clarity with which I see and understand my purpose.  Is it something I can clearly define ever?  Not really.  However, I know that if I live according to God’s will, He will put me in the right places at the right times to realize His purposes. 

           

Blaise Pascal is one philosopher with whom I share many of the same views.  Born in 1623, Pascal is widely renowned for his contributions to math, science, religion, and philosophy.  On the meaning of life, Pascal took a supernaturalist view, in that he believed that “meaning in life must be constituted by a certain relationship with a spiritual realm” (Stanford, 2007).  God-centered supernaturalist views attribute the meaning of life in one’s fulfillment of the purpose they have been assigned by God.  To the extent that we fulfill this purpose, our lives have meaning; failure to recognize this purpose and freely and willingly fulfill that purpose will result in a meaningless life.  For those that do not believe in God or another higher being, this stance would probably be understandably hard to identify and relate to. 

While I was raised a Baptist, there have been times in my life when my rational mind has argued with my faith about my belief in God.  I finally came to rationalize my faith in the unseen and the unknown with this thought:  If I believe in God, and I’m wrong, I’ve lost nothing.  If I choose not to believe in God, and I’m wrong, I’ve lost everything.  Therefore, I choose to believe and have faith, because it gives me purpose, it gives me hope, and I have nothing to lose.  Imagine my astonishment in learning that one of Pascal’s philosophical teachings was Pascal’s Wager, in which he said, “Belief is a wise wager.  Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false?  If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing” (All About Philosophy, 2011).  Also, in relation to my quote from Ecclesiastes, Pascal said, “The Ecclesiastes shows that man without God is in total ignorance and inevitable misery” (Reisinho, n.d.). 

The second philosopher I chose to research in regards to the meaning of life is Christopher Reeve.  I chose him for a couple of different reasons.  I love Superman, and Christopher Reeve will indelibly be ingrained in my mind as “Superman.”  In addition, his accident that left him a quadriplegic and ultimately resulted in his death left me with the feeling that even Superman is vulnerable.  The man of steel had been destroyed.  It was a heartbreaking tragedy.  However, even total paralysis did not conquer the man behind the suit: “Living a life with meaning means spreading the word.  Even if you can’t move, you can have a powerful effect with what you say” (Perel, n.d.).  In addition, he proved that his superpowers were not limited to being faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, or being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound:  “We all have powers within us that we don’t know exist until we’re tested.  There are no limitations to what you can do if you have the determination” (Perel, n.d.). 

These two men are clearly different in their beliefs, yet very similar.  While Pascal was a devout Christian, Christopher Reeve struggled with religion for a large portion of his life.  He was raised Presbyterian, briefly tried Scientology, and ultimately turned to the Unitarian Church at age 50.  About God, he said, “I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us.  It may be God, I don’t know” (Adherents, 2007).  However, they both clearly believed in a life of purpose.  And, both of these men believed that they were not limited by the things that happen to us over the course of our lives, but we are instead opened to new opportunities through these events.  Neither of them would have played the “victim” role.  Pascal would have described a tragic event as a part of God’s plan, and Christopher Reeve described the tragic event as a turning point in which you are given an opportunity to choose to fulfill a bigger purpose: “You play the hand you’re dealt.  I think the game’s worthwhile” (Beliefnet, n.d.). 

            I have always given a great deal of thought to my purpose in life.  I think it’s because of the life I’ve had.  As a quick summary, I was sexually abused by two different men as a small child, physically abused by my biological father, abandoned by the same father when I was six, adopted by a beautiful man when I was eight who later died when I was thirteen, and then uprooted and moved five hundred miles away from my entire family and everything I knew when my mother remarried when I was fourteen.  My teenage years were a trying time for me—trying to understand why God would let all of this happen to me.  As I stated earlier, I struggled with my faith for a while.    I spoke with my biological father for the first time on the phone when I was 23.  I realized at that moment that I had been looking for something that I was never really missing.  I had been blessed with a phenomenal father who had loved me and a stepfather who (when I decided to let him in) became one of my closest friends.  I had a hundred men who had been in my life the whole time who had loved me like my own father couldn’t or wouldn’t. 

            Since that time, I’ve married and had two little boys, and the pieces of my life’s puzzle have started to come together.  If my father hadn’t abandoned me, I would never have been adopted by my Daddy, and would therefore never truly have understood what that role or that relationship was supposed to be like.  If my Daddy hadn’t died, my mom wouldn’t have remarried my stepdad, and I wouldn’t have moved to SC.  If I hadn’t moved to SC, I would never have met my husband, and would therefore not have had my two little boys.  God has had a purpose for everything I’ve been through. 

In addition, I would like to think that because of the many trials, God has placed me in a position to be able to help others going through the same things I went through as a child.  I’ve had mothers bring their children to me just to talk after their own fathers had walked out.  The mothers cannot relate to the child on their feelings, but they know that I can.  It feels good to be able to look at those little girls and be able to tell them that they’re going to be okay—I made it, and so will they.  God has a plan for them, and everything that they go through in their life will one day play out like the verses of a beautiful song, and they will understand.  I know now that I am not a victim.  I am only a victim if I allow myself to be conquered.  For me, that is not an option.  That is not what God planned for my life, or for anyone’s life, in my mind. 

            The one and only tattoo I have on my body is the Superman emblem.  I got it six months ago, at the age of 34, after wanting it from the time I was seventeen.  For me, it is a symbol of several things.  On my checks in my checkbook, I have the quote, “Everyone is someone’s hero.”  Christopher Reeve once said, “I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles” (Beliefnet, n.d.).  Do I think I’m Supergirl?  No.  But the tattoo reminds me that anything is possible as long as I have God on my side and the willingness to find a way.  Like Superman, I am here to make the world a better place, no matter how miniscule my contribution may be in the grand scheme of things.  Ephesians 4:1 says, “I urge you to live the life to which God called you.”  That is what I earnestly try to do every day. 

            I am not sure how I would explain the meaning of life to a non-believer.  For them, who may or may not believe that our whole existence is an “accident” or a series of cosmic events that resulted in the existence of human life, I could see where they would have a hard time understanding how we could have meaning.  I, on the other hand, know that God does not create “accidents.”  Even unplanned pregnancies are not accidents in God’s mind.  “Everything comes from God alone.  Everything lives by His power, and everything is for His glory” (Romans 11:36). 

The most important purpose that God designed us for is to live a life of love:   love and honor of our parents, love of our spouse and children, love of our neighbors, love of Him.  “Love means living the way God commanded us to live.  As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this:  Live a life of love” (2 John 1:6).  For a world that equates lust with love, it is understandable why we get this theory all wrong.  True love is described in I Corinthians 13:4-8:  “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  Love means self-sacrifice, it means paying it forward, it means doing kind deeds for others for no reason, it means forgiving those who have wronged us.  Without love, we are “bankrupt” (I Corinthians 13:3). 

In conclusion, I agree wholeheartedly with Pascal’s theory that life has no meaning without God.  In addition, I admire Christopher Reeve’s ability to overcome the obstacles in his life and not turn to despair.  For me, this ability could only come as a result of my faith in God.  The purpose for my life has nothing to do with what I want for my life—my career, my house, my cars, my belongings.  Those things are material things that are immaterial to the meaning of life.  The purpose of my life is part of a grander, larger plan that belongs solely to God, my Maker.  Ephesians 5:15 say “Live life with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life, but as those who do.”  Proverbs 19 confirms this by reminding us that my own plans for my life are irrelevant; it is God’s plan that will prevail.  And so, I will close with this last remaining verse:  “These three things continue forever:  faith, hope, and love.  And the greatest of these is love” (I Corinthians 13:13). 

Sometimes....you just want to punch them in the face

So, I am not a mean person by any shape of the word.  While I am not someone that could be described as "patient," I am usually pretty kind unless very tired or unless my buttons have just been pushed too much.  Today, both happened.  I was very tired, and entirely too many really irritating things happened in a row to the point that I really just wanted to punch someone.  Usually, it's when someone has been extremely rude for no reason or has said something so incredibly stupid that I wonder how it is possible that they've functioned this far in life.  Both occurred today several, several times too many in a row. 

After the couple of given people today said the amazingly stupid (or rude) things that they said to me and I had been given a chance to calm down and actually be able to look back and reflect at the humor in their stupidity (or rudeness), I began to reflect.  I wonder what it is that these people see on my face when they say things like this to me.....I can hide it very well from my customers at work, because I've been trained to do so.  But I do not hide it very well from anyone who knows me at all, like, say, my employees......So, I wonder what my face looks like when this stupid moment happens. 

I wonder if they can tell that I'm secretly wishing I could just knock the stupid out of them.  I wonder if it's written all over my face how I'm wondering how it is that they were able to graduate from elementary high school with this level of complete lack of common sense.  I wonder if they realize that it's taking all of my own intelligence to try to decipher what it is that they just asked me or said to me so that I can "dumb" down my answer to make sense to them. 

I know that this all sounds horrible.  I'm seriously not at all a mean person, nor would I ever punch someone.  At my mid-thirties-age, I've never punched anyone besides my little brother, and he deserved it doesn't count.  And I'm usually not judgemental of stupid people  people having brain farts.  I'm just tired and grumpy, and the impatience is showing. 

So, enough of my venting.  I promise that my next post will be more positive.  Not that anyone reads this anyway, but it sure felt good to get that out.  

It's the "little" things.....

I've never been a big girl.  Although I had my own self-imposed weight "issues" when I was in high school & college, looking back now I realize how silly I was.  I struggled to lose weight after my first baby, and literally left the mall crying when I could barely squeeze my tush into a size 11/12 pant.  I've always hovered somewhere between a 7/8 and a 9/10.  At 35 years old, I'm okay with that size.  I don't weigh myself very often, because it will cause me to become obsessive, so I just avoid it. 

Today, I went to my fave store (Maurice's) to get some new work clothes.  I typically do not have to try anything on in that store, because their size 7/8 clothes are made for me.  But today, I tried several different outfits on.  The first two pair of pants fit perfect.  But then I got to the third one, and I was swimming in it.  I was just going to put it back, but decided to ask the sales girl to get me a 5/6 just to try, as I really liked the pair of pants with the outfit that I had picked out.  I just knew that they weren't going to fit. 

But....they did.  Like a glove.  I realize that this just means that this particular pair of pants is made bigger than the rest, but for me, it was freaking awesome.  I want to hang a sign around my neck that says, "These pants are a size 5/6!!!!!"  I realize that this probably makes me sound very shallow, and I apologize.  But, every woman can admit, regardless of their size, that squeezing your behind into a size smaller than you normally wear is an AWESOME feeling.  I literally haven't been able to get into a 5/6 since middle school.  My rather large rear end and thick thighs (in comparison to my relatively small waist) simply will not allow it. 

So, I am excited.  It totally made my day.  I shall hold onto these pants forever, as it will probably never happen again.  :)  Today, it truly was the "little" thing that made me happy. 

Luke & Leia (and the late Charlie....RIP)

So, I will continue on my trend of funny animal stories, as a friend has followed my rat story with her equally very funny chincilla story. 

I am a bleeding heart when it comes to animals....I admit it.  My husband is NOT a cat guy.  At.all.  I really, really wanted a cat.  One day, while visiting PetSmart by myself, a girl walked in with three of the teeniest little kittens I have ever seen.  She had found them in a cardboard box behind her workplace.  They were covered in fleas, matted fur, eyes had just opened and were pretty crust....I mean, what's not to love?  So, I did exactly what I knew my husband would totally understand (NOT), and I bought syringes and cat formula, and I brought one of them home.  She was so young, she could barely walk.  Here's one of her first pics....

I syringe fed her for almost a month, and obviously fell in love.  Let me say that my husband and I really and truly rarely fight or even argue.  That changed the day I brought this cat home for about three months.  To say that he was mad at me would be an understatement.  But, I won.  The boys named her Leia (as in Princess).  While she is now full-grown at almost 3 years old, she is the smallest cat I have ever had.  And she's a total diva.  Completely psychotic and anti-social to anyone but me. 

The boys, several years ago, decided that they wanted parakeets.  Again, this is something that I indulged them with really without a whole lot of permission with the hubby, so he wasn't very happy.....again......  They named them Luke (as in Skywalker) and Charlie (as in....Charlie).  As we have a St. Bernard, I put the bird cage in what I thought was the safest place possible--on the top of the boys dresser.  The day after I bought the parakeets, we came home from work/school.  My youngest walked into his bedroom and quickly announced, "Mom, Charlie's dead!!!"  My initial thoughts were, "Oh, no...the new environment must have been too much for him.  Shucks."  But before I could even finish my thoughts, youngest child declared, ".....and he's laying right here on the floor!!!"   HUH?  I walked into the bedroom, and sure enough, what was LEFT of Charlie was on the floor.  Here's the crazy part--- the cage, still completely intact with the door closed, was still on the dresser.  Luke was just as happy and safe as can be.  I have absolutely no idea how Charlie got out, but I am pretty clear about what happened after he got out.  (Enter St. Bernard with tail tucked and guilty expression.....)

Ironically, Charlie happened to belong to my youngest child, who also happened to be the owner of the three rats that died in a row on us.  My oldest's animals always seem to be just fine.  My youngest's drop like flies. 

So, Luke & Leia are still happy members of our family.  Well, most of the time......

Yes, that is Luke's tail in Leia's mouth.