So, I will be the first to admit that I'm a little bit....cheesy. Thus, the name of this post. I use every cliche in the book and believe them. I live my life like one big analogy. Seriously. But, I swear they help me to take one day at a time, enjoy the moment, carpe diem, and all that garbage. Today is one of those days when I am feeling particularly nostalgic/cheesy/whatever. So, if you're not in the mood for a little Velveeta, move along.
I was singing the song "Count Your Blessings"--it's an old hymn, for all of you sadistic people who don't know.... It's a really great song. (By the way, I can also relate almost every song I hear to something or someone in my life and often do to the point of pyschosis....)
So, I was counting my blessings. I get overwhelmed quite a bit lately. (There's a previous post about "how I do it all" which I am not savvy enough to tag in this post so that it will take you straight there, but if you scroll way down there, somewhere, you will see my explanation of why I might feel slightly overwhelmed at times.....). But, I decided to look at the brighter side of things. Here's my blessing counter for today:
1. I get the day off tomorrow with the fam. The boys have a baseball game. Afterwards, we're going to celebrate the hubby's birthday three days late with a nice dinner out somewhere. Then, we're going to the local minor league game, where my oldest will be recognized for Most Improved Student in his class!! Sounds like a GREAT day to me!!
2. While I am bogged down with schoolwork to the point that I spend multiple nights a week for four plus hours in front of the computer, I am so thankful for this opportunity to finish my degree and see what opportunities might possibly lie in store for me.
3. Next weekend I get to go spend some more time (hopefully) with my fam in WV. Although I expect it to be kind of a tough couple of days (I'm helping with Grandma's house), I also expect it to be full of great memories and laughs. I also will get to visit Grandma's grave and see Papa while I'm there.
4. I have the best husband in the world, period.
5. I have a job. It pays the bills and provides benefits. My boss views me as an asset.
6. My beloved car is still kicking after ten years and almost 200k miles. Gotta love Hondas.
7. My dog loves me.
8. I got to go on a field trip with my youngest this week.
9. I have managed to stay above the BS in my life recently. (Trust me, people, this is a feat for me.) I have not sunk to anyone else's level, nor have I let their attempts at negativity or button pushing get to me. I am above it, and geez is it so much more stress-free when you can just shrug stupid people off!!
10. My rats are still alive and kicking. After losing three in less than a month, the remaining two are doing great. (Although we did have to separate them because they wouldn't stop fighting.)
Now, I'm off to work. I've counted my blessings, and I feel great.
On a side note, a woman said to me yesterday, "You must have gotten up on the right side of the bed this morning." I smiled and responded, "Even when I don't, I kick my feet around to the right side as often as I can. Getting up on the wrong side doesn't mean I have to stay there. The day goes a lot better when I roll over to the other side."
Roll over to the other side, people. There's a lot of cheese there.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
On the side of Angels
So, obviously, I've been a little weepy and despondent the last week. But, I'm trying to get back into my zone. I admit it's been a little harder than even I thought it would be. I am NOT normally weepy or despondent. Anyway, because last week was spring break for the boys, we have not had a baseball game in almost two weeks. As I have mentioned before, one of my greatest joys is watching my boys play baseball. I don't think I've mentioned it, but they are playing for the Angels this year. Tonight they have their first game since coming back from spring break (and Grandma dying and the entire whirlwind that has been my last eight days).
They are all dressed in their uniforms and practicing in the yard before we leave for the field. I have to admit, I don't feel like I've had a whole lot to genuinely smile about since we got home from the funeral. But, seeing them in their uniforms has given me my first sincere smile and my first little butterflies of happiness. I've prayed more in the last couple of days than I admittedly have in a while. And, I realized just now, that God has truly sent me some "Angels." I know it probably sounds like I'm grasping for straws here, but it's really the way I feel. Although the sun's been shining since I got home, this is the first day that I feel like a sunbeam has hit me.
So, I am off to watch the boys play, and I am definitely sitting on the side of Angels. Thanks, God, for throwing me that bone. I sure needed it.
They are all dressed in their uniforms and practicing in the yard before we leave for the field. I have to admit, I don't feel like I've had a whole lot to genuinely smile about since we got home from the funeral. But, seeing them in their uniforms has given me my first sincere smile and my first little butterflies of happiness. I've prayed more in the last couple of days than I admittedly have in a while. And, I realized just now, that God has truly sent me some "Angels." I know it probably sounds like I'm grasping for straws here, but it's really the way I feel. Although the sun's been shining since I got home, this is the first day that I feel like a sunbeam has hit me.
So, I am off to watch the boys play, and I am definitely sitting on the side of Angels. Thanks, God, for throwing me that bone. I sure needed it.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
From Grandma's girl
Dear Grandma,
I had to say goodbye to you this week. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still cannot believe that you're not here. My mind is literally exhausted from the reeling of memories and sounds and smells of my past repeating themselves over and over. I miss you already, and I so desperately need one of your hugs and for you to reassure me that it's all going to be okay. I know it is--I know that you are rejoicing in heaven with God and all of the angels. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that God greeted you with a "Well done, my good and faithful servant." And I must agree--well done, Grandma.
I am so blessed to have had you for 35 years of my life. I am so eternally grateful to God for that, and for the fact that you knew and loved my husband and children. I hate that the younger cousins will not get to share that experience, but I think that you've left such an amazing legacy that hopefully the rest of us can make up for your absence.
You would have been so proud of us this week. I kept imagining you beaming down on us from heaven. We were all together for the first time in so, so long. Uncle D & Aunt C talked and hugged even for the first time in thirty years. Uncle D & C look to be making up as well. I'm praying extra hard for that one. C was the first one to the house to be with Grandpa after we all heard the news. We were all devastated, Grandma. But Papa was our pillar of strength, as I knew he would be. His first words to me were, "Your Grandma's gone to heaven." He was very heaven-minded. D & I were talking about how shocked we were that you went before Papa. But D's husband made a great point. He said that you had taken care of Papa for so long, that you probably just went ahead to get heaven ready for him. I thought that was really comforting.
I hurt so much that it's hard to find words. I was always instantly transformed into a little girl at your house. All of a sudden, that's not the case anymore. You're gone, and I can't be Grandma's girl anymore. In the blink of an eye, I became an adult. I know that probably sounds silly, but you had the power to make me feel almost childlike, but in all the best ways. I always knew that everything was going to be okay. You have never let anything hurt me. And when horrible things happened in life, you were the first person I searched for. In my Grandma's arms was safety and comfort and protection from all of the bad in the world.
I want you to know that I honestly believe you are one of the best people God ever placed on this planet. You've led this family like no one else ever could have. D & I were saying that we think that God gave us you because He knew we were going to need you, and we did. You were there when my father, your son, walked out of my life. You were there when my daddy adopted me. You were there when my daddy died. You were there when Grandma & Grandpa B died. You were there when I graduated. You were there when I got married. You've always, always been there. I cannot tell you how blessed and so utterly grateful to God I am.
I'm sorry that G did not show up to pay his last respects. I was really hoping that he would, and I think Grandpa was hoping so, too. Clearly, none of us have ever been able to predict his actions. I have teetered between resentment and hatred and pity for him this past week. But, in this moment I know that you would tell me just to pray for him. And I will. He needs it, apparently.
K told me this week that he was proud of me. It was....I can't even find the words to tell you what that meant to me. But I am who I am because of my family. You and Papa and K and my mom, especially, but so many of the others, too.
I miss you, Grandma. I brought home the cookie jar like you told me to a couple of summers ago. I had no idea when we talked about it then that I would be taking it with me so soon. It's ironic--you had a little sleeve of nutter butter wafers in it, like you knew. I also collected all of the grapes. I'm going to send a vine each to D & C, and of course J will get some, too. I have a bottle of your perfume, because I can't imagine never smelling you again. You had the most amazing Grandma scent. I also took that silly music box that sat in the TV room for most, if not all, of my childhood--the one with the couple on it that says, "Love means never having to say I'm sorry." We had to look around for it to find it, because you had moved it at some point. But I found it. I remember growing up and getting mad because I always disagreed with the saying. I feel like it should say, "Love means caring enough to say you're sorry."
I can't delete your number from my cell phone just yet. I'm not that far yet. I can't bring myself to do it.
I hope to one day be half the woman you were. You were so immensely loved and admired and adored. I will forever, in my heart, be your girl. I am so proud to be your granddaughter. We'll take good care of Papa while you're getting heaven ready for him. My heart hurts, so please tell Jesus to give me a little extra comfort. I really need it.
See you some day,
R
I had to say goodbye to you this week. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still cannot believe that you're not here. My mind is literally exhausted from the reeling of memories and sounds and smells of my past repeating themselves over and over. I miss you already, and I so desperately need one of your hugs and for you to reassure me that it's all going to be okay. I know it is--I know that you are rejoicing in heaven with God and all of the angels. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that God greeted you with a "Well done, my good and faithful servant." And I must agree--well done, Grandma.
I am so blessed to have had you for 35 years of my life. I am so eternally grateful to God for that, and for the fact that you knew and loved my husband and children. I hate that the younger cousins will not get to share that experience, but I think that you've left such an amazing legacy that hopefully the rest of us can make up for your absence.
You would have been so proud of us this week. I kept imagining you beaming down on us from heaven. We were all together for the first time in so, so long. Uncle D & Aunt C talked and hugged even for the first time in thirty years. Uncle D & C look to be making up as well. I'm praying extra hard for that one. C was the first one to the house to be with Grandpa after we all heard the news. We were all devastated, Grandma. But Papa was our pillar of strength, as I knew he would be. His first words to me were, "Your Grandma's gone to heaven." He was very heaven-minded. D & I were talking about how shocked we were that you went before Papa. But D's husband made a great point. He said that you had taken care of Papa for so long, that you probably just went ahead to get heaven ready for him. I thought that was really comforting.
I hurt so much that it's hard to find words. I was always instantly transformed into a little girl at your house. All of a sudden, that's not the case anymore. You're gone, and I can't be Grandma's girl anymore. In the blink of an eye, I became an adult. I know that probably sounds silly, but you had the power to make me feel almost childlike, but in all the best ways. I always knew that everything was going to be okay. You have never let anything hurt me. And when horrible things happened in life, you were the first person I searched for. In my Grandma's arms was safety and comfort and protection from all of the bad in the world.
I want you to know that I honestly believe you are one of the best people God ever placed on this planet. You've led this family like no one else ever could have. D & I were saying that we think that God gave us you because He knew we were going to need you, and we did. You were there when my father, your son, walked out of my life. You were there when my daddy adopted me. You were there when my daddy died. You were there when Grandma & Grandpa B died. You were there when I graduated. You were there when I got married. You've always, always been there. I cannot tell you how blessed and so utterly grateful to God I am.
I'm sorry that G did not show up to pay his last respects. I was really hoping that he would, and I think Grandpa was hoping so, too. Clearly, none of us have ever been able to predict his actions. I have teetered between resentment and hatred and pity for him this past week. But, in this moment I know that you would tell me just to pray for him. And I will. He needs it, apparently.
K told me this week that he was proud of me. It was....I can't even find the words to tell you what that meant to me. But I am who I am because of my family. You and Papa and K and my mom, especially, but so many of the others, too.
I miss you, Grandma. I brought home the cookie jar like you told me to a couple of summers ago. I had no idea when we talked about it then that I would be taking it with me so soon. It's ironic--you had a little sleeve of nutter butter wafers in it, like you knew. I also collected all of the grapes. I'm going to send a vine each to D & C, and of course J will get some, too. I have a bottle of your perfume, because I can't imagine never smelling you again. You had the most amazing Grandma scent. I also took that silly music box that sat in the TV room for most, if not all, of my childhood--the one with the couple on it that says, "Love means never having to say I'm sorry." We had to look around for it to find it, because you had moved it at some point. But I found it. I remember growing up and getting mad because I always disagreed with the saying. I feel like it should say, "Love means caring enough to say you're sorry."
I can't delete your number from my cell phone just yet. I'm not that far yet. I can't bring myself to do it.
I hope to one day be half the woman you were. You were so immensely loved and admired and adored. I will forever, in my heart, be your girl. I am so proud to be your granddaughter. We'll take good care of Papa while you're getting heaven ready for him. My heart hurts, so please tell Jesus to give me a little extra comfort. I really need it.
See you some day,
R
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