My Drug

I realized today something that I've always known, but have just now put a name to.  I absolutely LOVE to do nice things for people, completely unexpectedly.  The joy and surprise on their face gives me a high.  I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but it does.  I don't do it for the "Look what Rachel did" results.  I do it for that sheer look in their eyes and on their face that tells me that they are completely caught off guard by a good deed.  Good deeds are my drug.  I took flowers to two of my friends that are both in the hospital.  I say friends rather loosely.  I mean, they are friends, but not in the close-I'll-call-you-on-the-phone sort of way.  One is the wife of a guy I worked with in high school, so I've known her since then, because they were dating way back then.  We see each other around every once in a while and we're friends on FB, so I know what she's up to all the time.  But calling us "friends" I guess is a bit misleading.  She was having surgery today, so I dropped by to give her some flowers when she got out of surgery.  Her hubby (my old friend) was so surprised and shocked to see me.  I got this really huge hug.  He was so grateful.  And I was high.  It gives me the warm and fuzzies to do stuff like that. 
The other is the girlfriend of one of my regular's at work.  I see them usually at least once or twice a week.  Her man bakes, and he's GOOD at it.  He brings us cookies a lot, and I love it.  So, I wanted to spread some good cheer.  She, also, was really shocked and surprised to see me.  She mentioned that she'd miss having our soup at work tonight.  So, I left, went and got the soup, and came back with it for her.  Double shocked.  And thrilled (as hospital food is GROSS).  I was high. 
My boss calls me a bleeding heart.  I guess I sort of am.  I just know that doing nice things for others, no matter how small, is the best feeling in the world.  With me, though, you can't expect it.  Your birthday?  Yeah, I'll forget it.  Your anniversary?  Uh....don't even think of holding your breath.  But, for some random reason or if you have something kinda bad going on and everyone else has dipped on you--that's where I like to come in when I can.  I'm the girl who sticks around when it's not fun anymore.  I won't know what to say, and I'll have no words of wisdom to comfort you, but I'll listen.  And I'll be present.  I know in my past when I have gone through hard times, those are the people I valued the most--the ones who were just there.  They shut up, because they knew nothing they said was going to make it any better.  They just were with me, all the way through the storm. 
So, I don't know what all of this says about me.  I've always been a "pay it forward" kind of girl, or at least, I try to be.  But what does it say about me that I get a high off of doing stuff like this?  It puts me on cloud nine.  I love to make someone's day, whether they know it was me who did it or not.  Giving back is my drug.  Today, I had two fixes, and I'm still high.  :)