So, I will be the first to admit that I'm a little bit....cheesy. Thus, the name of this post. I use every cliche in the book and believe them. I live my life like one big analogy. Seriously. But, I swear they help me to take one day at a time, enjoy the moment, carpe diem, and all that garbage. Today is one of those days when I am feeling particularly nostalgic/cheesy/whatever. So, if you're not in the mood for a little Velveeta, move along.
I was singing the song "Count Your Blessings"--it's an old hymn, for all of you sadistic people who don't know.... It's a really great song. (By the way, I can also relate almost every song I hear to something or someone in my life and often do to the point of pyschosis....)
So, I was counting my blessings. I get overwhelmed quite a bit lately. (There's a previous post about "how I do it all" which I am not savvy enough to tag in this post so that it will take you straight there, but if you scroll way down there, somewhere, you will see my explanation of why I might feel slightly overwhelmed at times.....). But, I decided to look at the brighter side of things. Here's my blessing counter for today:
1. I get the day off tomorrow with the fam. The boys have a baseball game. Afterwards, we're going to celebrate the hubby's birthday three days late with a nice dinner out somewhere. Then, we're going to the local minor league game, where my oldest will be recognized for Most Improved Student in his class!! Sounds like a GREAT day to me!!
2. While I am bogged down with schoolwork to the point that I spend multiple nights a week for four plus hours in front of the computer, I am so thankful for this opportunity to finish my degree and see what opportunities might possibly lie in store for me.
3. Next weekend I get to go spend some more time (hopefully) with my fam in WV. Although I expect it to be kind of a tough couple of days (I'm helping with Grandma's house), I also expect it to be full of great memories and laughs. I also will get to visit Grandma's grave and see Papa while I'm there.
4. I have the best husband in the world, period.
5. I have a job. It pays the bills and provides benefits. My boss views me as an asset.
6. My beloved car is still kicking after ten years and almost 200k miles. Gotta love Hondas.
7. My dog loves me.
8. I got to go on a field trip with my youngest this week.
9. I have managed to stay above the BS in my life recently. (Trust me, people, this is a feat for me.) I have not sunk to anyone else's level, nor have I let their attempts at negativity or button pushing get to me. I am above it, and geez is it so much more stress-free when you can just shrug stupid people off!!
10. My rats are still alive and kicking. After losing three in less than a month, the remaining two are doing great. (Although we did have to separate them because they wouldn't stop fighting.)
Now, I'm off to work. I've counted my blessings, and I feel great.
On a side note, a woman said to me yesterday, "You must have gotten up on the right side of the bed this morning." I smiled and responded, "Even when I don't, I kick my feet around to the right side as often as I can. Getting up on the wrong side doesn't mean I have to stay there. The day goes a lot better when I roll over to the other side."
Roll over to the other side, people. There's a lot of cheese there.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
On the side of Angels
So, obviously, I've been a little weepy and despondent the last week. But, I'm trying to get back into my zone. I admit it's been a little harder than even I thought it would be. I am NOT normally weepy or despondent. Anyway, because last week was spring break for the boys, we have not had a baseball game in almost two weeks. As I have mentioned before, one of my greatest joys is watching my boys play baseball. I don't think I've mentioned it, but they are playing for the Angels this year. Tonight they have their first game since coming back from spring break (and Grandma dying and the entire whirlwind that has been my last eight days).
They are all dressed in their uniforms and practicing in the yard before we leave for the field. I have to admit, I don't feel like I've had a whole lot to genuinely smile about since we got home from the funeral. But, seeing them in their uniforms has given me my first sincere smile and my first little butterflies of happiness. I've prayed more in the last couple of days than I admittedly have in a while. And, I realized just now, that God has truly sent me some "Angels." I know it probably sounds like I'm grasping for straws here, but it's really the way I feel. Although the sun's been shining since I got home, this is the first day that I feel like a sunbeam has hit me.
So, I am off to watch the boys play, and I am definitely sitting on the side of Angels. Thanks, God, for throwing me that bone. I sure needed it.
They are all dressed in their uniforms and practicing in the yard before we leave for the field. I have to admit, I don't feel like I've had a whole lot to genuinely smile about since we got home from the funeral. But, seeing them in their uniforms has given me my first sincere smile and my first little butterflies of happiness. I've prayed more in the last couple of days than I admittedly have in a while. And, I realized just now, that God has truly sent me some "Angels." I know it probably sounds like I'm grasping for straws here, but it's really the way I feel. Although the sun's been shining since I got home, this is the first day that I feel like a sunbeam has hit me.
So, I am off to watch the boys play, and I am definitely sitting on the side of Angels. Thanks, God, for throwing me that bone. I sure needed it.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
From Grandma's girl
Dear Grandma,
I had to say goodbye to you this week. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still cannot believe that you're not here. My mind is literally exhausted from the reeling of memories and sounds and smells of my past repeating themselves over and over. I miss you already, and I so desperately need one of your hugs and for you to reassure me that it's all going to be okay. I know it is--I know that you are rejoicing in heaven with God and all of the angels. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that God greeted you with a "Well done, my good and faithful servant." And I must agree--well done, Grandma.
I am so blessed to have had you for 35 years of my life. I am so eternally grateful to God for that, and for the fact that you knew and loved my husband and children. I hate that the younger cousins will not get to share that experience, but I think that you've left such an amazing legacy that hopefully the rest of us can make up for your absence.
You would have been so proud of us this week. I kept imagining you beaming down on us from heaven. We were all together for the first time in so, so long. Uncle D & Aunt C talked and hugged even for the first time in thirty years. Uncle D & C look to be making up as well. I'm praying extra hard for that one. C was the first one to the house to be with Grandpa after we all heard the news. We were all devastated, Grandma. But Papa was our pillar of strength, as I knew he would be. His first words to me were, "Your Grandma's gone to heaven." He was very heaven-minded. D & I were talking about how shocked we were that you went before Papa. But D's husband made a great point. He said that you had taken care of Papa for so long, that you probably just went ahead to get heaven ready for him. I thought that was really comforting.
I hurt so much that it's hard to find words. I was always instantly transformed into a little girl at your house. All of a sudden, that's not the case anymore. You're gone, and I can't be Grandma's girl anymore. In the blink of an eye, I became an adult. I know that probably sounds silly, but you had the power to make me feel almost childlike, but in all the best ways. I always knew that everything was going to be okay. You have never let anything hurt me. And when horrible things happened in life, you were the first person I searched for. In my Grandma's arms was safety and comfort and protection from all of the bad in the world.
I want you to know that I honestly believe you are one of the best people God ever placed on this planet. You've led this family like no one else ever could have. D & I were saying that we think that God gave us you because He knew we were going to need you, and we did. You were there when my father, your son, walked out of my life. You were there when my daddy adopted me. You were there when my daddy died. You were there when Grandma & Grandpa B died. You were there when I graduated. You were there when I got married. You've always, always been there. I cannot tell you how blessed and so utterly grateful to God I am.
I'm sorry that G did not show up to pay his last respects. I was really hoping that he would, and I think Grandpa was hoping so, too. Clearly, none of us have ever been able to predict his actions. I have teetered between resentment and hatred and pity for him this past week. But, in this moment I know that you would tell me just to pray for him. And I will. He needs it, apparently.
K told me this week that he was proud of me. It was....I can't even find the words to tell you what that meant to me. But I am who I am because of my family. You and Papa and K and my mom, especially, but so many of the others, too.
I miss you, Grandma. I brought home the cookie jar like you told me to a couple of summers ago. I had no idea when we talked about it then that I would be taking it with me so soon. It's ironic--you had a little sleeve of nutter butter wafers in it, like you knew. I also collected all of the grapes. I'm going to send a vine each to D & C, and of course J will get some, too. I have a bottle of your perfume, because I can't imagine never smelling you again. You had the most amazing Grandma scent. I also took that silly music box that sat in the TV room for most, if not all, of my childhood--the one with the couple on it that says, "Love means never having to say I'm sorry." We had to look around for it to find it, because you had moved it at some point. But I found it. I remember growing up and getting mad because I always disagreed with the saying. I feel like it should say, "Love means caring enough to say you're sorry."
I can't delete your number from my cell phone just yet. I'm not that far yet. I can't bring myself to do it.
I hope to one day be half the woman you were. You were so immensely loved and admired and adored. I will forever, in my heart, be your girl. I am so proud to be your granddaughter. We'll take good care of Papa while you're getting heaven ready for him. My heart hurts, so please tell Jesus to give me a little extra comfort. I really need it.
See you some day,
R
I had to say goodbye to you this week. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still cannot believe that you're not here. My mind is literally exhausted from the reeling of memories and sounds and smells of my past repeating themselves over and over. I miss you already, and I so desperately need one of your hugs and for you to reassure me that it's all going to be okay. I know it is--I know that you are rejoicing in heaven with God and all of the angels. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that God greeted you with a "Well done, my good and faithful servant." And I must agree--well done, Grandma.
I am so blessed to have had you for 35 years of my life. I am so eternally grateful to God for that, and for the fact that you knew and loved my husband and children. I hate that the younger cousins will not get to share that experience, but I think that you've left such an amazing legacy that hopefully the rest of us can make up for your absence.
You would have been so proud of us this week. I kept imagining you beaming down on us from heaven. We were all together for the first time in so, so long. Uncle D & Aunt C talked and hugged even for the first time in thirty years. Uncle D & C look to be making up as well. I'm praying extra hard for that one. C was the first one to the house to be with Grandpa after we all heard the news. We were all devastated, Grandma. But Papa was our pillar of strength, as I knew he would be. His first words to me were, "Your Grandma's gone to heaven." He was very heaven-minded. D & I were talking about how shocked we were that you went before Papa. But D's husband made a great point. He said that you had taken care of Papa for so long, that you probably just went ahead to get heaven ready for him. I thought that was really comforting.
I hurt so much that it's hard to find words. I was always instantly transformed into a little girl at your house. All of a sudden, that's not the case anymore. You're gone, and I can't be Grandma's girl anymore. In the blink of an eye, I became an adult. I know that probably sounds silly, but you had the power to make me feel almost childlike, but in all the best ways. I always knew that everything was going to be okay. You have never let anything hurt me. And when horrible things happened in life, you were the first person I searched for. In my Grandma's arms was safety and comfort and protection from all of the bad in the world.
I want you to know that I honestly believe you are one of the best people God ever placed on this planet. You've led this family like no one else ever could have. D & I were saying that we think that God gave us you because He knew we were going to need you, and we did. You were there when my father, your son, walked out of my life. You were there when my daddy adopted me. You were there when my daddy died. You were there when Grandma & Grandpa B died. You were there when I graduated. You were there when I got married. You've always, always been there. I cannot tell you how blessed and so utterly grateful to God I am.
I'm sorry that G did not show up to pay his last respects. I was really hoping that he would, and I think Grandpa was hoping so, too. Clearly, none of us have ever been able to predict his actions. I have teetered between resentment and hatred and pity for him this past week. But, in this moment I know that you would tell me just to pray for him. And I will. He needs it, apparently.
K told me this week that he was proud of me. It was....I can't even find the words to tell you what that meant to me. But I am who I am because of my family. You and Papa and K and my mom, especially, but so many of the others, too.
I miss you, Grandma. I brought home the cookie jar like you told me to a couple of summers ago. I had no idea when we talked about it then that I would be taking it with me so soon. It's ironic--you had a little sleeve of nutter butter wafers in it, like you knew. I also collected all of the grapes. I'm going to send a vine each to D & C, and of course J will get some, too. I have a bottle of your perfume, because I can't imagine never smelling you again. You had the most amazing Grandma scent. I also took that silly music box that sat in the TV room for most, if not all, of my childhood--the one with the couple on it that says, "Love means never having to say I'm sorry." We had to look around for it to find it, because you had moved it at some point. But I found it. I remember growing up and getting mad because I always disagreed with the saying. I feel like it should say, "Love means caring enough to say you're sorry."
I can't delete your number from my cell phone just yet. I'm not that far yet. I can't bring myself to do it.
I hope to one day be half the woman you were. You were so immensely loved and admired and adored. I will forever, in my heart, be your girl. I am so proud to be your granddaughter. We'll take good care of Papa while you're getting heaven ready for him. My heart hurts, so please tell Jesus to give me a little extra comfort. I really need it.
See you some day,
R
Friday, March 30, 2012
If I won the lottery....
So, our current Mega-Millions jackpot is up to over $600 million, apparently the highest in its history. I do not normally gamble at all. On rare occasions, I'll get a wild hair and buy a scratch off, but that's very, very rare. I won $50 once. It was a cool feeling. But, I think I shall definitely have to buy a couple of these $600 Mega-Million tickets. Which, of course, always makes one think of what you would do with that much money (somewhere around $400 million after taxes).
1. I would buy a house and two new cars.
2. I would put money away for both of the boys' college funds.
3. I would quit work. There, I said it. I would never be "forced" to work another day in my life. That's not to say that I wouldn't work, I would just work when and how I chose to.
4. I would completely remodel and fix my grandparents' house....or maybe just buy them a new one. But they would live out the rest of their lives in style.
5. I would definitely share. Joey and I would find some way to help our immediate family financially. I don't know how we would do it, but we would.
6. I would travel....a lot. My family would make an art of travelling the globe. African safaris, Australian outback, England, Italy, Germany, and lots and lots and lots of tropical places.
7. I would hire a maid. I would never clean house or do laundry again. It would be awesome.
8. I might even hire a chef.
9. I would give to some charity....maybe the American Cancer Society or something.
Okay, that's it. I just need to win.
1. I would buy a house and two new cars.
2. I would put money away for both of the boys' college funds.
3. I would quit work. There, I said it. I would never be "forced" to work another day in my life. That's not to say that I wouldn't work, I would just work when and how I chose to.
4. I would completely remodel and fix my grandparents' house....or maybe just buy them a new one. But they would live out the rest of their lives in style.
5. I would definitely share. Joey and I would find some way to help our immediate family financially. I don't know how we would do it, but we would.
6. I would travel....a lot. My family would make an art of travelling the globe. African safaris, Australian outback, England, Italy, Germany, and lots and lots and lots of tropical places.
7. I would hire a maid. I would never clean house or do laundry again. It would be awesome.
8. I might even hire a chef.
9. I would give to some charity....maybe the American Cancer Society or something.
Okay, that's it. I just need to win.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Things this week that made me happy
I'm in such a great mood this morning, I thought I'd make a list of all the things that happened this week that made me happy. (Trust me, there were an equal number of things that could've spoiled my happiness, but again--I feel it's the little things in life that we often overlook, so I'm sharing.)
1. My boys had their first baseball game on Saturday. This was my youngest's first non-teeball game, and my oldest tends to crack under the undue pressure he puts on himself in a game, so I wasn't expecting much. However, this Saturday was an extremely exciting suprise. My oldest hit the ball all three times he was up to bat and made it to base. On his last hit, he scored an in-field home run. Um, yeah--I was stoked. My youngest was up to bat twice, in the bottom of the line-up, of course, because he's also one of the youngest on the team. He knocked the ball almost to the outfield and made it to base twice. He made it home by subsequent batters his second time up. So, I had five opportunities during one game to yell, "THAT'S MY KID!!!!" I didn't....but I could have. I was beaming. Awesome way to start the season!!
2. I have become a fan of the show, "The Voice." I was already a fan of Blake Shelton and Adam Levine, so this was just an initial great reason to get into a new show. Number one, they are both GORGEOUS. Number two, they are both funny. It doesn't get any better. Imagine my surprise when I picked up this week's People magazine (I am an admitted People addict) and they were on the cover. While reading the article last night in bed, my husband commented that I was smiling while reading. Yup, I was. They are even funny in print. And the pics were great. I would absolutely love to hang out with them for a day. I even love Miranda Lambert, Blake's real-life wife. It made me happy.
3. Also a fan of Colton on American Idol. He's great looking (although that sort of makes me borderline gross, as he could probably be my son), he can sing, and he plays the piano. And his performance this week was "The Piano Man," a song that I have always loved. And it rocked. Oh, yeah--the little things. I love him, and really hope he wins, although I admittedly love several of the other contestants, too.
4. Also on AI, Steven Tyler got ticked off and kinda reamed HeeJun. I can't stand that dude. He's so obnoxious, and he even admitted that he didn't care whether he won or not. That's so insulting to the other kids who really want to win. I loved it that someone finally read him the riot act. I admit that he can be funny and slightly entertaining at times, but AI is not a comedy routine. It's a talent competition for singing. He's got a decent voice, but he lets his stupidity overshadow it. He really gets on my nerves, so I was very happy that Steven Tyler finally put him in his place.
5. I finished my last non-Accounting class assignment this morning. That means 11 more classes, all Accounting, before I FINALLY graduate from college (hey--it has only taken me 18 years). That's exactly nine months from today that I will officially be a college graduate. I've been in school for eleven months. I can do this. And, I am still on the Chancellor's List with a 4.0 GPA. That is an accomplishment I NEVER expected. Working full-time, being a baseball mom, AND keeping a 4.0 GPA? Wow. I'm super proud of myself.
So, that's it. I've had a good week. Like I said, I have an equal amount to complain about, but that would be to no avail. Complaining is anti-productive. I like to try to focus on the great whenever possible. Today, it is definitely possible. So I am.
1. My boys had their first baseball game on Saturday. This was my youngest's first non-teeball game, and my oldest tends to crack under the undue pressure he puts on himself in a game, so I wasn't expecting much. However, this Saturday was an extremely exciting suprise. My oldest hit the ball all three times he was up to bat and made it to base. On his last hit, he scored an in-field home run. Um, yeah--I was stoked. My youngest was up to bat twice, in the bottom of the line-up, of course, because he's also one of the youngest on the team. He knocked the ball almost to the outfield and made it to base twice. He made it home by subsequent batters his second time up. So, I had five opportunities during one game to yell, "THAT'S MY KID!!!!" I didn't....but I could have. I was beaming. Awesome way to start the season!!
2. I have become a fan of the show, "The Voice." I was already a fan of Blake Shelton and Adam Levine, so this was just an initial great reason to get into a new show. Number one, they are both GORGEOUS. Number two, they are both funny. It doesn't get any better. Imagine my surprise when I picked up this week's People magazine (I am an admitted People addict) and they were on the cover. While reading the article last night in bed, my husband commented that I was smiling while reading. Yup, I was. They are even funny in print. And the pics were great. I would absolutely love to hang out with them for a day. I even love Miranda Lambert, Blake's real-life wife. It made me happy.
3. Also a fan of Colton on American Idol. He's great looking (although that sort of makes me borderline gross, as he could probably be my son), he can sing, and he plays the piano. And his performance this week was "The Piano Man," a song that I have always loved. And it rocked. Oh, yeah--the little things. I love him, and really hope he wins, although I admittedly love several of the other contestants, too.
4. Also on AI, Steven Tyler got ticked off and kinda reamed HeeJun. I can't stand that dude. He's so obnoxious, and he even admitted that he didn't care whether he won or not. That's so insulting to the other kids who really want to win. I loved it that someone finally read him the riot act. I admit that he can be funny and slightly entertaining at times, but AI is not a comedy routine. It's a talent competition for singing. He's got a decent voice, but he lets his stupidity overshadow it. He really gets on my nerves, so I was very happy that Steven Tyler finally put him in his place.
5. I finished my last non-Accounting class assignment this morning. That means 11 more classes, all Accounting, before I FINALLY graduate from college (hey--it has only taken me 18 years). That's exactly nine months from today that I will officially be a college graduate. I've been in school for eleven months. I can do this. And, I am still on the Chancellor's List with a 4.0 GPA. That is an accomplishment I NEVER expected. Working full-time, being a baseball mom, AND keeping a 4.0 GPA? Wow. I'm super proud of myself.
So, that's it. I've had a good week. Like I said, I have an equal amount to complain about, but that would be to no avail. Complaining is anti-productive. I like to try to focus on the great whenever possible. Today, it is definitely possible. So I am.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Right where I should be....
How I know I'm right where I should be in life:
1. I did an accounting assignment this morning for one of my classes. It took me about 5-6 hours and consisted primarily of computing financial ratios and comparing/contrasting the financial statements and accompanying ratios of two different IT companies. I loved it.
2. I'm off today.
3. My boys are ready for baseball practice and are outside "warming up" before practice....of their own choice....did I mention I always wanted boys that loved to play baseball?
4. I was able to go into the pet store today, fall madly in love with an adorable little black kitten with a white nose, as well as two adorable little baby dumbo rats, and walk out without any of them in my possession. This is not a feat I would have deemed possible several years ago....
5. Whilst in the pet store, someone had apparently ticked off the ball python so that he was all coiled up into his little "s" striking stance. The minute I walked over and put my hand near the glass, he struck the glass.....several times. Clearly, being on the outside of his tank was the right place to be. It was quite funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed teasing him and repeatedly making him strike his head against the glass. While I know he's not poisonous, I don't wager that getting bit by him would be real fun either. I now know that I don't ever want a pet snake (yes, that had been debatable up until this point). I much prefer the cute, cuddly ones.
6. Did I mention I'm off work today?
7. I don't have anything to complain about. I mean, I guess I do, but I don't feel like it. I'm happy. I'm content. I'm satisfied. I'm me. That's a good place to find yourself.
Hope you're in the right place right now. :)
1. I did an accounting assignment this morning for one of my classes. It took me about 5-6 hours and consisted primarily of computing financial ratios and comparing/contrasting the financial statements and accompanying ratios of two different IT companies. I loved it.
2. I'm off today.
3. My boys are ready for baseball practice and are outside "warming up" before practice....of their own choice....did I mention I always wanted boys that loved to play baseball?
4. I was able to go into the pet store today, fall madly in love with an adorable little black kitten with a white nose, as well as two adorable little baby dumbo rats, and walk out without any of them in my possession. This is not a feat I would have deemed possible several years ago....
5. Whilst in the pet store, someone had apparently ticked off the ball python so that he was all coiled up into his little "s" striking stance. The minute I walked over and put my hand near the glass, he struck the glass.....several times. Clearly, being on the outside of his tank was the right place to be. It was quite funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed teasing him and repeatedly making him strike his head against the glass. While I know he's not poisonous, I don't wager that getting bit by him would be real fun either. I now know that I don't ever want a pet snake (yes, that had been debatable up until this point). I much prefer the cute, cuddly ones.
6. Did I mention I'm off work today?
7. I don't have anything to complain about. I mean, I guess I do, but I don't feel like it. I'm happy. I'm content. I'm satisfied. I'm me. That's a good place to find yourself.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
My Thoughts on the Purpose of Life
For my ethics class a couple of months ago, I had to write a paper on my beliefs about the purpose of life. I struggled with this at first, but then put it all together after much thought. I was pretty proud of my results, so today (as I was a jerk yesterday and was threatening to punch people in the face), I will make an attempt to redeem myself by posting my paper. It was good for me to do, for myself, because it solidified everything that I already knew and believed, if that makes any sense. It's funny--you think you know exactly how you feel and what you think and believe until you have to write a paper about it. Then it gets a little more sticky.....lol. So, this is it. It has some personal info about me that I have only previously shared with a very few number of people. So, I guess this is me broadcasting it across the internet. Clearly, I don't care. The past is the past, and I don't look there except to occasionally reminisce over some fond memories. I hope you enjoy it. I sure enjoyed writing it. :) ~~~~~~
What is the meaning of life? Each person’s answer to this question will likely be as unique as the person answering it. After thinking about this “what is the meaning of life?” question for the last two days, a Bible verse kept returning to my mind. To me, this is the long version of saying that God has a plan for each of us. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven” (Bible). I have always believed that God designed me with a purpose in mind. Depending on my degree of faithfulness and devotion with Him at any given time, that is the degree of clarity with which I see and understand my purpose. Is it something I can clearly define ever? Not really. However, I know that if I live according to God’s will, He will put me in the right places at the right times to realize His purposes.
Blaise Pascal is one philosopher with whom I share many of the same views. Born in 1623, Pascal is widely renowned for his contributions to math, science, religion, and philosophy. On the meaning of life, Pascal took a supernaturalist view, in that he believed that “meaning in life must be constituted by a certain relationship with a spiritual realm” (Stanford, 2007). God-centered supernaturalist views attribute the meaning of life in one’s fulfillment of the purpose they have been assigned by God. To the extent that we fulfill this purpose, our lives have meaning; failure to recognize this purpose and freely and willingly fulfill that purpose will result in a meaningless life. For those that do not believe in God or another higher being, this stance would probably be understandably hard to identify and relate to.
While I was raised a Baptist, there have been times in my life when my rational mind has argued with my faith about my belief in God. I finally came to rationalize my faith in the unseen and the unknown with this thought: If I believe in God, and I’m wrong, I’ve lost nothing. If I choose not to believe in God, and I’m wrong, I’ve lost everything. Therefore, I choose to believe and have faith, because it gives me purpose, it gives me hope, and I have nothing to lose. Imagine my astonishment in learning that one of Pascal’s philosophical teachings was Pascal’s Wager, in which he said, “Belief is a wise wager. Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing” (All About Philosophy, 2011). Also, in relation to my quote from Ecclesiastes, Pascal said, “The Ecclesiastes shows that man without God is in total ignorance and inevitable misery” (Reisinho, n.d.).
The second philosopher I chose to research in regards to the meaning of life is Christopher Reeve. I chose him for a couple of different reasons. I love Superman, and Christopher Reeve will indelibly be ingrained in my mind as “Superman.” In addition, his accident that left him a quadriplegic and ultimately resulted in his death left me with the feeling that even Superman is vulnerable. The man of steel had been destroyed. It was a heartbreaking tragedy. However, even total paralysis did not conquer the man behind the suit: “Living a life with meaning means spreading the word. Even if you can’t move, you can have a powerful effect with what you say” (Perel, n.d.). In addition, he proved that his superpowers were not limited to being faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, or being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound: “We all have powers within us that we don’t know exist until we’re tested. There are no limitations to what you can do if you have the determination” (Perel, n.d.).
These two men are clearly different in their beliefs, yet very similar. While Pascal was a devout Christian, Christopher Reeve struggled with religion for a large portion of his life. He was raised Presbyterian, briefly tried Scientology, and ultimately turned to the Unitarian Church at age 50. About God, he said, “I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us. It may be God, I don’t know” (Adherents, 2007). However, they both clearly believed in a life of purpose. And, both of these men believed that they were not limited by the things that happen to us over the course of our lives, but we are instead opened to new opportunities through these events. Neither of them would have played the “victim” role. Pascal would have described a tragic event as a part of God’s plan, and Christopher Reeve described the tragic event as a turning point in which you are given an opportunity to choose to fulfill a bigger purpose: “You play the hand you’re dealt. I think the game’s worthwhile” (Beliefnet, n.d.).
I have always given a great deal of thought to my purpose in life. I think it’s because of the life I’ve had. As a quick summary, I was sexually abused by two different men as a small child, physically abused by my biological father, abandoned by the same father when I was six, adopted by a beautiful man when I was eight who later died when I was thirteen, and then uprooted and moved five hundred miles away from my entire family and everything I knew when my mother remarried when I was fourteen. My teenage years were a trying time for me—trying to understand why God would let all of this happen to me. As I stated earlier, I struggled with my faith for a while. I spoke with my biological father for the first time on the phone when I was 23. I realized at that moment that I had been looking for something that I was never really missing. I had been blessed with a phenomenal father who had loved me and a stepfather who (when I decided to let him in) became one of my closest friends. I had a hundred men who had been in my life the whole time who had loved me like my own father couldn’t or wouldn’t.
Since that time, I’ve married and had two little boys, and the pieces of my life’s puzzle have started to come together. If my father hadn’t abandoned me, I would never have been adopted by my Daddy, and would therefore never truly have understood what that role or that relationship was supposed to be like. If my Daddy hadn’t died, my mom wouldn’t have remarried my stepdad, and I wouldn’t have moved to SC. If I hadn’t moved to SC, I would never have met my husband, and would therefore not have had my two little boys. God has had a purpose for everything I’ve been through.
In addition, I would like to think that because of the many trials, God has placed me in a position to be able to help others going through the same things I went through as a child. I’ve had mothers bring their children to me just to talk after their own fathers had walked out. The mothers cannot relate to the child on their feelings, but they know that I can. It feels good to be able to look at those little girls and be able to tell them that they’re going to be okay—I made it, and so will they. God has a plan for them, and everything that they go through in their life will one day play out like the verses of a beautiful song, and they will understand. I know now that I am not a victim. I am only a victim if I allow myself to be conquered. For me, that is not an option. That is not what God planned for my life, or for anyone’s life, in my mind.
The one and only tattoo I have on my body is the Superman emblem. I got it six months ago, at the age of 34, after wanting it from the time I was seventeen. For me, it is a symbol of several things. On my checks in my checkbook, I have the quote, “Everyone is someone’s hero.” Christopher Reeve once said, “I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles” (Beliefnet, n.d.). Do I think I’m Supergirl? No. But the tattoo reminds me that anything is possible as long as I have God on my side and the willingness to find a way. Like Superman, I am here to make the world a better place, no matter how miniscule my contribution may be in the grand scheme of things. Ephesians 4:1 says, “I urge you to live the life to which God called you.” That is what I earnestly try to do every day.
I am not sure how I would explain the meaning of life to a non-believer. For them, who may or may not believe that our whole existence is an “accident” or a series of cosmic events that resulted in the existence of human life, I could see where they would have a hard time understanding how we could have meaning. I, on the other hand, know that God does not create “accidents.” Even unplanned pregnancies are not accidents in God’s mind. “Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by His power, and everything is for His glory” (Romans 11:36).
The most important purpose that God designed us for is to live a life of love: love and honor of our parents, love of our spouse and children, love of our neighbors, love of Him. “Love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love” (2 John 1:6). For a world that equates lust with love, it is understandable why we get this theory all wrong. True love is described in I Corinthians 13:4-8: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Love means self-sacrifice, it means paying it forward, it means doing kind deeds for others for no reason, it means forgiving those who have wronged us. Without love, we are “bankrupt” (I Corinthians 13:3).
In conclusion, I agree wholeheartedly with Pascal’s theory that life has no meaning without God. In addition, I admire Christopher Reeve’s ability to overcome the obstacles in his life and not turn to despair. For me, this ability could only come as a result of my faith in God. The purpose for my life has nothing to do with what I want for my life—my career, my house, my cars, my belongings. Those things are material things that are immaterial to the meaning of life. The purpose of my life is part of a grander, larger plan that belongs solely to God, my Maker. Ephesians 5:15 say “Live life with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life, but as those who do.” Proverbs 19 confirms this by reminding us that my own plans for my life are irrelevant; it is God’s plan that will prevail. And so, I will close with this last remaining verse: “These three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love” (I Corinthians 13:13).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)