Yeah....clearly, since my last post was in July of last year, I am not so very good at this blogging thing. I started this blog (if I'm being entirely honest with myself) to vent. On this blog, I can just blab about whatever without forcing unsuspecting friends or the hubby to listen to my incessant rambling. I've had a lot to rant and rave about lately, but I'll spare....the 20 million people who do not read this blog because I never post anything worth reading anyway.
Not much has happened in the last 9 months anyway. We did get the boys a puppy. A bloodhound. He's....noisy and mouthy. He is teething, and therefore bites everything. And, he has a noise for everything....except, well, that stinky thing that he has going on out his rear end. Those are silent. They just kinda sneak up on you with no warning. Blech. My Saint Bernard, who is almost nine, has never had a gas problem, thank God. I now have an adorable little Bloodhound puppy with long floppy ears and those sad, droopy little eyes that has horrendous gas. Lord.....
That's about it. I've been mopping up a lot of puppy pee in the last three weeks. Other than that, nothing to report. Maybe that's why I haven't been posting? Who knows.
I'm going to try to get better about this whole blog thing. Maybe then, I'll get like one reader or something........probably not, because I'm thankfully pretty boring. Boring is good for me.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Friday, July 27, 2012
The Story of the Snapdragon
Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away.....well, more like twenty two years ago in a little city where I was born, I was going through a very dark period in my life....probably one of the darkest that I've been through. My daddy had died, and the light had gone out of my world. There is much in the weeks surrounding his death that I don't remember. I guess it was my defense mechanism kicking into overdrive. I remember being in complete denial and feeling completely numb and just waiting to wake up from my horrible nightmare. But I remember very little in the way of details about those weeks. I do have one memory in particular, though, that always makes me smile and has resulted in me having a particular flower that reigns above all others on my list of favorites.
At one of the viewings for my daddy, I was sitting in a chair surrounded by my friends. As we were all between the ages of 12-14, my friends didn't know what to say to me. But, to their credit, they never left my side in those days. In fact, looking back, I am amazed at the wisdom of them--how they knew instinctively that I needed them there but also knew (or maybe didn't know by innocence) that I didn't need them to say anything--I just needed them there. I do not remember smiling at all and feeling like I had nothing to smile about. Sitting on a table next to me was a bouquet of beautiful flowers that some well-wisher had sent. My friend Pam, who I had known since I was fairly little, reached over and pointed out some snapdragons in the bouquet. I had never seen a snapdragon and didn't know what it was. To be very honest, I wasn't really interested at first. But then, Pam squeezed the sides of the delicate little flower and started making the flower "talk" to me in a funny little voice. It was so silly and so spontaneous, that I burst out laughing. It was the first time I had laughed in as long as I can remember. And I laughed hard. It felt amazing and freeing. I remember feeling so grateful for Pam and all of her silliness.
To this day, whenever I send flowers to someone going through something difficult in their lives, my one request is that it includes snapdragons. I have planted them in my yard, too. Whenever I get bouquets from my husband, he knows to include them. Snapdragons ALWAYS remind me to smile, to keep my chin up, and to remember that better days are coming. It's crazy that such a simple little flower can hold such amazing and beautiful meaning for someone, but they really do for me. They are a symbol of hope and happiness, and a reminder of good friends that help pull you through the hard times.
I hope that everyone can have a snapdragon to talk silly talk to them in an hour of need. Sometimes, it's the simplest, most irrelevant things that are able to snap us out of our darkness.
At one of the viewings for my daddy, I was sitting in a chair surrounded by my friends. As we were all between the ages of 12-14, my friends didn't know what to say to me. But, to their credit, they never left my side in those days. In fact, looking back, I am amazed at the wisdom of them--how they knew instinctively that I needed them there but also knew (or maybe didn't know by innocence) that I didn't need them to say anything--I just needed them there. I do not remember smiling at all and feeling like I had nothing to smile about. Sitting on a table next to me was a bouquet of beautiful flowers that some well-wisher had sent. My friend Pam, who I had known since I was fairly little, reached over and pointed out some snapdragons in the bouquet. I had never seen a snapdragon and didn't know what it was. To be very honest, I wasn't really interested at first. But then, Pam squeezed the sides of the delicate little flower and started making the flower "talk" to me in a funny little voice. It was so silly and so spontaneous, that I burst out laughing. It was the first time I had laughed in as long as I can remember. And I laughed hard. It felt amazing and freeing. I remember feeling so grateful for Pam and all of her silliness.
To this day, whenever I send flowers to someone going through something difficult in their lives, my one request is that it includes snapdragons. I have planted them in my yard, too. Whenever I get bouquets from my husband, he knows to include them. Snapdragons ALWAYS remind me to smile, to keep my chin up, and to remember that better days are coming. It's crazy that such a simple little flower can hold such amazing and beautiful meaning for someone, but they really do for me. They are a symbol of hope and happiness, and a reminder of good friends that help pull you through the hard times.
I hope that everyone can have a snapdragon to talk silly talk to them in an hour of need. Sometimes, it's the simplest, most irrelevant things that are able to snap us out of our darkness.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
So, I am an avid reader. As I have had plenty of extra time on my hands this week taking care of my hubby, who had his gallbladder removed on Monday, I finished two books. The first was "The Lucky One" by Nicholas Sparks. In my younger days, Nicholas Sparks was one of my absolute favorite authors. When I read "The Notebook" (which still happens to be one of my all-time favorite books), I was completely in awe of him. Now that almost every one of his books has been made into a movie, I've kind of strayed from him. His books are still good, but just not what they used to be. I will say, though, that "The Lucky One" was a pleasant, easy read. I enjoyed it.
Then I read "The Vow," which, ironically, has also inspired a movie. I also watched the movie itself yesterday, which ended up having very little resemblance to the true story, but was still good. In case you've been living in a cave, the true story is about a couple who had been married for just three months or so when they were involved in a near-fatal car accident that left the wife with severe brain trauma. When she awoke from her coma, she did not remember her husband or that she was married. She was missing about a year or so's worth of memories. However, they decided to make an attempt to be true to their vows and they somehow made it work. Pretty awesome true story, but really sad and painful in some parts, as well.
I read all of this just after celebrating my twelve year anniversary with my hubby this past Sunday. It is so crazy how time flies. Hubby and I a little less than a year and a half before getting married. I am NOT a hopeless romantic, nor do I believe in love at first sight. But, I have to be honest, the first night I went out with him, I knew that I was in trouble. I had been single for less than a year after a previous three year relationship. The other relationship had been with my first love, and it had left me terribly heart-broken. I was not looking for a relationship when I found the hubby, and I was, in fact, dating three or four other guys at the time. (No, I was not any of the nasty names that you may be thinking, but I was simply not ready to be serious or commit myself to anyone.) That all changed the night I met the hubby. Within two weeks of meeting him, I had told all of the other guys I'd been dating that I was done with them. Not that I was ready to jump into anything with the Hubby just yet, but I didn't want to be distracted either. I found myself wanting to spend all of my free time with him.
We were together for about six months or so before he decided to break up with me. I was heart-broken, but we hadn't said the "L" word yet, and I was different this time around. While it hurt, I was at peace with his decision. I didn't want to be with him if he didn't want to be with me. And, if I'm being totally honest, I just somehow knew, deep down inside of me, that he was my "One." I was able to let him go and walk away because something in me told me that it was all going to be okay. We had worked together almost since the beginning of our relationship, and we continued to work together after our break-up. We got along fine, and even managed to still hang out together with our friends on a couple of occasions.
In a little more than a month, he came back to me. Our relationship the second time around was significantly different--more mature, more defined, stronger. It was less than a month after getting back together that we said the "L" word for the first time. And we were married about eight months later.
We've been through a lot, but we're so much stronger for it. We've been blessed by God with two beautiful little boys. Somehow, God has ALWAYS watched out for us. Just when we get to a point where we're looking at each other going, "What are we going to do? How are we going to get through this?", God makes something happen that not only fixes our problem, but puts us in a better place all around.
It's crazy that we were born fifteen months apart in two cities that were less than two hours from each other. Yet, it took us 21 years and 500 miles further south to find each other. We're so different, yet so much alike. We definitely complement and fill each other's gaps. I AM "the LUCKY ONE."
When I was reading (and watching) "The Vow", I was thinking about the vows I said on that day twelve years ago. They were your standard, repeat after the preacher, vows. And I meant every word of them. Today, if I could do it over again, my vows would be the same, but I think I'd probably take a shot at writing them myself. They'd go something like this.....
"I vow that for the rest of your life, you will always have a partner in me. I vow to be your best friend, your soul mate, your secret-keeper, your defender, and your protector. I vow that when you face obstacles, you will not face them alone. I will forever be by your side. I vow to be faithful to you--you will never have to worry about me straying or look for hidden meaning or truth behind anything I say. I vow to be the best mother to your children that I can possibly be. I vow to take your family as my own, and to love and honor and respect them the way that I do my own family. I vow to consider you and our family first in everything that I do. I vow to keep God first in our relationship, so that our love of each other might be a reflection of the unconditional love that God has for us. I vow that, for the rest of our days, you will never be alone. I will always be standing beside you, holding your hand, loving you through anything and everything that life has to offer us, both good and bad. I vow to love you for the rest of my life."
As I read the stories (especially the true ones) of love that wins despite even the most horrific of circumstances, I am in awe of those couples. You never know what you'd do in a situation as horrible as the ones that the couple in "The Vow" had to overcome. But, I admire them. I hope and pray that the Hubby and I will never have to be put in that situation, but I have no doubt that we will continue to have our own obstacles that we will have to go through together. I know that, as long as we keep God first, we will be able to get through whatever life hands at us. I am extremely proud to be my husband's wife. I am extremely grateful that God allowed me to find my "One." He truly was worth the wait and everything that I had to get through in my life to find him. I hope that we can live out the legacy of all of our grandparents and be a beacon of hope to our children that love really can, and does, last. In a world where marriages mean little to anyone anymore, it still means something very significant to me.
Thanks, God, for the blessing of my Hubby. I am the lucky one.
Then I read "The Vow," which, ironically, has also inspired a movie. I also watched the movie itself yesterday, which ended up having very little resemblance to the true story, but was still good. In case you've been living in a cave, the true story is about a couple who had been married for just three months or so when they were involved in a near-fatal car accident that left the wife with severe brain trauma. When she awoke from her coma, she did not remember her husband or that she was married. She was missing about a year or so's worth of memories. However, they decided to make an attempt to be true to their vows and they somehow made it work. Pretty awesome true story, but really sad and painful in some parts, as well.
I read all of this just after celebrating my twelve year anniversary with my hubby this past Sunday. It is so crazy how time flies. Hubby and I a little less than a year and a half before getting married. I am NOT a hopeless romantic, nor do I believe in love at first sight. But, I have to be honest, the first night I went out with him, I knew that I was in trouble. I had been single for less than a year after a previous three year relationship. The other relationship had been with my first love, and it had left me terribly heart-broken. I was not looking for a relationship when I found the hubby, and I was, in fact, dating three or four other guys at the time. (No, I was not any of the nasty names that you may be thinking, but I was simply not ready to be serious or commit myself to anyone.) That all changed the night I met the hubby. Within two weeks of meeting him, I had told all of the other guys I'd been dating that I was done with them. Not that I was ready to jump into anything with the Hubby just yet, but I didn't want to be distracted either. I found myself wanting to spend all of my free time with him.
We were together for about six months or so before he decided to break up with me. I was heart-broken, but we hadn't said the "L" word yet, and I was different this time around. While it hurt, I was at peace with his decision. I didn't want to be with him if he didn't want to be with me. And, if I'm being totally honest, I just somehow knew, deep down inside of me, that he was my "One." I was able to let him go and walk away because something in me told me that it was all going to be okay. We had worked together almost since the beginning of our relationship, and we continued to work together after our break-up. We got along fine, and even managed to still hang out together with our friends on a couple of occasions.
In a little more than a month, he came back to me. Our relationship the second time around was significantly different--more mature, more defined, stronger. It was less than a month after getting back together that we said the "L" word for the first time. And we were married about eight months later.
We've been through a lot, but we're so much stronger for it. We've been blessed by God with two beautiful little boys. Somehow, God has ALWAYS watched out for us. Just when we get to a point where we're looking at each other going, "What are we going to do? How are we going to get through this?", God makes something happen that not only fixes our problem, but puts us in a better place all around.
It's crazy that we were born fifteen months apart in two cities that were less than two hours from each other. Yet, it took us 21 years and 500 miles further south to find each other. We're so different, yet so much alike. We definitely complement and fill each other's gaps. I AM "the LUCKY ONE."
When I was reading (and watching) "The Vow", I was thinking about the vows I said on that day twelve years ago. They were your standard, repeat after the preacher, vows. And I meant every word of them. Today, if I could do it over again, my vows would be the same, but I think I'd probably take a shot at writing them myself. They'd go something like this.....
"I vow that for the rest of your life, you will always have a partner in me. I vow to be your best friend, your soul mate, your secret-keeper, your defender, and your protector. I vow that when you face obstacles, you will not face them alone. I will forever be by your side. I vow to be faithful to you--you will never have to worry about me straying or look for hidden meaning or truth behind anything I say. I vow to be the best mother to your children that I can possibly be. I vow to take your family as my own, and to love and honor and respect them the way that I do my own family. I vow to consider you and our family first in everything that I do. I vow to keep God first in our relationship, so that our love of each other might be a reflection of the unconditional love that God has for us. I vow that, for the rest of our days, you will never be alone. I will always be standing beside you, holding your hand, loving you through anything and everything that life has to offer us, both good and bad. I vow to love you for the rest of my life."
As I read the stories (especially the true ones) of love that wins despite even the most horrific of circumstances, I am in awe of those couples. You never know what you'd do in a situation as horrible as the ones that the couple in "The Vow" had to overcome. But, I admire them. I hope and pray that the Hubby and I will never have to be put in that situation, but I have no doubt that we will continue to have our own obstacles that we will have to go through together. I know that, as long as we keep God first, we will be able to get through whatever life hands at us. I am extremely proud to be my husband's wife. I am extremely grateful that God allowed me to find my "One." He truly was worth the wait and everything that I had to get through in my life to find him. I hope that we can live out the legacy of all of our grandparents and be a beacon of hope to our children that love really can, and does, last. In a world where marriages mean little to anyone anymore, it still means something very significant to me.
Thanks, God, for the blessing of my Hubby. I am the lucky one.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
What you can get done in a Four-Day weekend
So, because I work ridiculous hours, I am not one of the many people who get to enjoy simple pleasures like weekends because, well, I work most of them. Let alone a four-day weekend, because my industry recognizes no holiday except Christmas and Thanksgiving (and I doubt that I will get Thanksgiving off for much longer). However, this past weekend, I got four straight days off--Saturday through Tuesday--and I was reminded how very much you can get done in a situation like that. Here is my level of productivity over the course of my four-day weekend:
1. Got to spend time with SEVERAL friends I haven't spent time with in a long time.
2. Got to spend time with both of my brothers, twice. And one of them, a third time.
3. Fixed the two broken windows on my car.
4. Sanded, buffed, compounded, and waxed my entire car. With the exception of the gaping dent in the rear bumper thanks to some idiot that cannot see a parked car, my ten year old car literally looks brand new.
5. Vacuumed the interior of my car, armor-all'ed the vinyl, and scrubbed the carpet. (FYI--coffee spilled in gray interior does not come out....)
6. Finished three homework assignments.
7. Went to three baseball games for my boys--we won two of them.
8. Did five hundred loads of laundry. Okay, maybe not five hundred. Maybe more like one hundred. Regardless, we hadn't done laundry infive years over a week, so it was a LOT. Folded and put up all of it (that right there is the biggest celebration).
9. This deserves its own recognition--I matched every single one of the socks that I could find a match to. I am, admittedly, one of those people who would rather just buy a new pack of socks than match socks. We are that family that has a basket of communal socks that you have to dig through every morning to find a match and usually just go with whatever as long as they're the same color. The result of buying new socks vs. matching the ones you've got is that, when you do decide to match them, you have enough socks to clothe the U.S. Army. Seriously. Between my husband and I alone, we have four sock drawers. Utterly ridiculous.
10. Tried a new dinner recipe. McCormick spices now has these little spice cards that have a recipe with a bunch of little spices included. Totally cool. For all I know, these things have been around for ages, but I just discovered them and they are awesome. I am a horrible cook, and I need all the help I can get. Anyway, it tried the quesadilla casserole. Not the greatest thing I've ever had, but not terrible. Totally easy to make, though, which is definitely a plus.
11. Got a lesson on baby-making from my four year old niece (who, by the way, is an expert on practically everything in the most hysterical way possible). I learned that mothers "poop out" their babies. I don't know where she got this from, nor did I ask. Honestly, I couldn't, between my hysterical laughter and utter shock. Pretty freaking funny.
12. Caught up on all my shows--watched three episodes of Total Blackout (I swear, the funniest new show on TV), six episodes of The Voice, and two episodes of American Idol (did they REALLY vote off SKYLAR?!?!). Also, set up the DVR to catch one of my other guilty pleasures--Animal Hoarders. Couldn't set it up to catch just the plain Hoarders show, as the new season doesn't start until the 28th. Darn. I love these two shows. They make me feel so much better about being an animal lover and extremely poor house keeper. Lol.....
13. Spent a lot of precious time with the ones I love most--my hubby, my kids, my family, and my friends.
All in all, I had a really great weekend. Yes, I realize that I'm posting this on a Thursday, and the weekend's been long gone by now, but it really was a glorious four days.
1. Got to spend time with SEVERAL friends I haven't spent time with in a long time.
2. Got to spend time with both of my brothers, twice. And one of them, a third time.
3. Fixed the two broken windows on my car.
4. Sanded, buffed, compounded, and waxed my entire car. With the exception of the gaping dent in the rear bumper thanks to some idiot that cannot see a parked car, my ten year old car literally looks brand new.
5. Vacuumed the interior of my car, armor-all'ed the vinyl, and scrubbed the carpet. (FYI--coffee spilled in gray interior does not come out....)
6. Finished three homework assignments.
7. Went to three baseball games for my boys--we won two of them.
8. Did five hundred loads of laundry. Okay, maybe not five hundred. Maybe more like one hundred. Regardless, we hadn't done laundry in
9. This deserves its own recognition--I matched every single one of the socks that I could find a match to. I am, admittedly, one of those people who would rather just buy a new pack of socks than match socks. We are that family that has a basket of communal socks that you have to dig through every morning to find a match and usually just go with whatever as long as they're the same color. The result of buying new socks vs. matching the ones you've got is that, when you do decide to match them, you have enough socks to clothe the U.S. Army. Seriously. Between my husband and I alone, we have four sock drawers. Utterly ridiculous.
10. Tried a new dinner recipe. McCormick spices now has these little spice cards that have a recipe with a bunch of little spices included. Totally cool. For all I know, these things have been around for ages, but I just discovered them and they are awesome. I am a horrible cook, and I need all the help I can get. Anyway, it tried the quesadilla casserole. Not the greatest thing I've ever had, but not terrible. Totally easy to make, though, which is definitely a plus.
11. Got a lesson on baby-making from my four year old niece (who, by the way, is an expert on practically everything in the most hysterical way possible). I learned that mothers "poop out" their babies. I don't know where she got this from, nor did I ask. Honestly, I couldn't, between my hysterical laughter and utter shock. Pretty freaking funny.
12. Caught up on all my shows--watched three episodes of Total Blackout (I swear, the funniest new show on TV), six episodes of The Voice, and two episodes of American Idol (did they REALLY vote off SKYLAR?!?!). Also, set up the DVR to catch one of my other guilty pleasures--Animal Hoarders. Couldn't set it up to catch just the plain Hoarders show, as the new season doesn't start until the 28th. Darn. I love these two shows. They make me feel so much better about being an animal lover and extremely poor house keeper. Lol.....
13. Spent a lot of precious time with the ones I love most--my hubby, my kids, my family, and my friends.
All in all, I had a really great weekend. Yes, I realize that I'm posting this on a Thursday, and the weekend's been long gone by now, but it really was a glorious four days.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Velveeta
So, I will be the first to admit that I'm a little bit....cheesy. Thus, the name of this post. I use every cliche in the book and believe them. I live my life like one big analogy. Seriously. But, I swear they help me to take one day at a time, enjoy the moment, carpe diem, and all that garbage. Today is one of those days when I am feeling particularly nostalgic/cheesy/whatever. So, if you're not in the mood for a little Velveeta, move along.
I was singing the song "Count Your Blessings"--it's an old hymn, for all of you sadistic people who don't know.... It's a really great song. (By the way, I can also relate almost every song I hear to something or someone in my life and often do to the point of pyschosis....)
So, I was counting my blessings. I get overwhelmed quite a bit lately. (There's a previous post about "how I do it all" which I am not savvy enough to tag in this post so that it will take you straight there, but if you scroll way down there, somewhere, you will see my explanation of why I might feel slightly overwhelmed at times.....). But, I decided to look at the brighter side of things. Here's my blessing counter for today:
1. I get the day off tomorrow with the fam. The boys have a baseball game. Afterwards, we're going to celebrate the hubby's birthday three days late with a nice dinner out somewhere. Then, we're going to the local minor league game, where my oldest will be recognized for Most Improved Student in his class!! Sounds like a GREAT day to me!!
2. While I am bogged down with schoolwork to the point that I spend multiple nights a week for four plus hours in front of the computer, I am so thankful for this opportunity to finish my degree and see what opportunities might possibly lie in store for me.
3. Next weekend I get to go spend some more time (hopefully) with my fam in WV. Although I expect it to be kind of a tough couple of days (I'm helping with Grandma's house), I also expect it to be full of great memories and laughs. I also will get to visit Grandma's grave and see Papa while I'm there.
4. I have the best husband in the world, period.
5. I have a job. It pays the bills and provides benefits. My boss views me as an asset.
6. My beloved car is still kicking after ten years and almost 200k miles. Gotta love Hondas.
7. My dog loves me.
8. I got to go on a field trip with my youngest this week.
9. I have managed to stay above the BS in my life recently. (Trust me, people, this is a feat for me.) I have not sunk to anyone else's level, nor have I let their attempts at negativity or button pushing get to me. I am above it, and geez is it so much more stress-free when you can just shrug stupid people off!!
10. My rats are still alive and kicking. After losing three in less than a month, the remaining two are doing great. (Although we did have to separate them because they wouldn't stop fighting.)
Now, I'm off to work. I've counted my blessings, and I feel great.
On a side note, a woman said to me yesterday, "You must have gotten up on the right side of the bed this morning." I smiled and responded, "Even when I don't, I kick my feet around to the right side as often as I can. Getting up on the wrong side doesn't mean I have to stay there. The day goes a lot better when I roll over to the other side."
Roll over to the other side, people. There's a lot of cheese there.
I was singing the song "Count Your Blessings"--it's an old hymn, for all of you sadistic people who don't know.... It's a really great song. (By the way, I can also relate almost every song I hear to something or someone in my life and often do to the point of pyschosis....)
So, I was counting my blessings. I get overwhelmed quite a bit lately. (There's a previous post about "how I do it all" which I am not savvy enough to tag in this post so that it will take you straight there, but if you scroll way down there, somewhere, you will see my explanation of why I might feel slightly overwhelmed at times.....). But, I decided to look at the brighter side of things. Here's my blessing counter for today:
1. I get the day off tomorrow with the fam. The boys have a baseball game. Afterwards, we're going to celebrate the hubby's birthday three days late with a nice dinner out somewhere. Then, we're going to the local minor league game, where my oldest will be recognized for Most Improved Student in his class!! Sounds like a GREAT day to me!!
2. While I am bogged down with schoolwork to the point that I spend multiple nights a week for four plus hours in front of the computer, I am so thankful for this opportunity to finish my degree and see what opportunities might possibly lie in store for me.
3. Next weekend I get to go spend some more time (hopefully) with my fam in WV. Although I expect it to be kind of a tough couple of days (I'm helping with Grandma's house), I also expect it to be full of great memories and laughs. I also will get to visit Grandma's grave and see Papa while I'm there.
4. I have the best husband in the world, period.
5. I have a job. It pays the bills and provides benefits. My boss views me as an asset.
6. My beloved car is still kicking after ten years and almost 200k miles. Gotta love Hondas.
7. My dog loves me.
8. I got to go on a field trip with my youngest this week.
9. I have managed to stay above the BS in my life recently. (Trust me, people, this is a feat for me.) I have not sunk to anyone else's level, nor have I let their attempts at negativity or button pushing get to me. I am above it, and geez is it so much more stress-free when you can just shrug stupid people off!!
10. My rats are still alive and kicking. After losing three in less than a month, the remaining two are doing great. (Although we did have to separate them because they wouldn't stop fighting.)
Now, I'm off to work. I've counted my blessings, and I feel great.
On a side note, a woman said to me yesterday, "You must have gotten up on the right side of the bed this morning." I smiled and responded, "Even when I don't, I kick my feet around to the right side as often as I can. Getting up on the wrong side doesn't mean I have to stay there. The day goes a lot better when I roll over to the other side."
Roll over to the other side, people. There's a lot of cheese there.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
On the side of Angels
So, obviously, I've been a little weepy and despondent the last week. But, I'm trying to get back into my zone. I admit it's been a little harder than even I thought it would be. I am NOT normally weepy or despondent. Anyway, because last week was spring break for the boys, we have not had a baseball game in almost two weeks. As I have mentioned before, one of my greatest joys is watching my boys play baseball. I don't think I've mentioned it, but they are playing for the Angels this year. Tonight they have their first game since coming back from spring break (and Grandma dying and the entire whirlwind that has been my last eight days).
They are all dressed in their uniforms and practicing in the yard before we leave for the field. I have to admit, I don't feel like I've had a whole lot to genuinely smile about since we got home from the funeral. But, seeing them in their uniforms has given me my first sincere smile and my first little butterflies of happiness. I've prayed more in the last couple of days than I admittedly have in a while. And, I realized just now, that God has truly sent me some "Angels." I know it probably sounds like I'm grasping for straws here, but it's really the way I feel. Although the sun's been shining since I got home, this is the first day that I feel like a sunbeam has hit me.
So, I am off to watch the boys play, and I am definitely sitting on the side of Angels. Thanks, God, for throwing me that bone. I sure needed it.
They are all dressed in their uniforms and practicing in the yard before we leave for the field. I have to admit, I don't feel like I've had a whole lot to genuinely smile about since we got home from the funeral. But, seeing them in their uniforms has given me my first sincere smile and my first little butterflies of happiness. I've prayed more in the last couple of days than I admittedly have in a while. And, I realized just now, that God has truly sent me some "Angels." I know it probably sounds like I'm grasping for straws here, but it's really the way I feel. Although the sun's been shining since I got home, this is the first day that I feel like a sunbeam has hit me.
So, I am off to watch the boys play, and I am definitely sitting on the side of Angels. Thanks, God, for throwing me that bone. I sure needed it.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
From Grandma's girl
Dear Grandma,
I had to say goodbye to you this week. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still cannot believe that you're not here. My mind is literally exhausted from the reeling of memories and sounds and smells of my past repeating themselves over and over. I miss you already, and I so desperately need one of your hugs and for you to reassure me that it's all going to be okay. I know it is--I know that you are rejoicing in heaven with God and all of the angels. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that God greeted you with a "Well done, my good and faithful servant." And I must agree--well done, Grandma.
I am so blessed to have had you for 35 years of my life. I am so eternally grateful to God for that, and for the fact that you knew and loved my husband and children. I hate that the younger cousins will not get to share that experience, but I think that you've left such an amazing legacy that hopefully the rest of us can make up for your absence.
You would have been so proud of us this week. I kept imagining you beaming down on us from heaven. We were all together for the first time in so, so long. Uncle D & Aunt C talked and hugged even for the first time in thirty years. Uncle D & C look to be making up as well. I'm praying extra hard for that one. C was the first one to the house to be with Grandpa after we all heard the news. We were all devastated, Grandma. But Papa was our pillar of strength, as I knew he would be. His first words to me were, "Your Grandma's gone to heaven." He was very heaven-minded. D & I were talking about how shocked we were that you went before Papa. But D's husband made a great point. He said that you had taken care of Papa for so long, that you probably just went ahead to get heaven ready for him. I thought that was really comforting.
I hurt so much that it's hard to find words. I was always instantly transformed into a little girl at your house. All of a sudden, that's not the case anymore. You're gone, and I can't be Grandma's girl anymore. In the blink of an eye, I became an adult. I know that probably sounds silly, but you had the power to make me feel almost childlike, but in all the best ways. I always knew that everything was going to be okay. You have never let anything hurt me. And when horrible things happened in life, you were the first person I searched for. In my Grandma's arms was safety and comfort and protection from all of the bad in the world.
I want you to know that I honestly believe you are one of the best people God ever placed on this planet. You've led this family like no one else ever could have. D & I were saying that we think that God gave us you because He knew we were going to need you, and we did. You were there when my father, your son, walked out of my life. You were there when my daddy adopted me. You were there when my daddy died. You were there when Grandma & Grandpa B died. You were there when I graduated. You were there when I got married. You've always, always been there. I cannot tell you how blessed and so utterly grateful to God I am.
I'm sorry that G did not show up to pay his last respects. I was really hoping that he would, and I think Grandpa was hoping so, too. Clearly, none of us have ever been able to predict his actions. I have teetered between resentment and hatred and pity for him this past week. But, in this moment I know that you would tell me just to pray for him. And I will. He needs it, apparently.
K told me this week that he was proud of me. It was....I can't even find the words to tell you what that meant to me. But I am who I am because of my family. You and Papa and K and my mom, especially, but so many of the others, too.
I miss you, Grandma. I brought home the cookie jar like you told me to a couple of summers ago. I had no idea when we talked about it then that I would be taking it with me so soon. It's ironic--you had a little sleeve of nutter butter wafers in it, like you knew. I also collected all of the grapes. I'm going to send a vine each to D & C, and of course J will get some, too. I have a bottle of your perfume, because I can't imagine never smelling you again. You had the most amazing Grandma scent. I also took that silly music box that sat in the TV room for most, if not all, of my childhood--the one with the couple on it that says, "Love means never having to say I'm sorry." We had to look around for it to find it, because you had moved it at some point. But I found it. I remember growing up and getting mad because I always disagreed with the saying. I feel like it should say, "Love means caring enough to say you're sorry."
I can't delete your number from my cell phone just yet. I'm not that far yet. I can't bring myself to do it.
I hope to one day be half the woman you were. You were so immensely loved and admired and adored. I will forever, in my heart, be your girl. I am so proud to be your granddaughter. We'll take good care of Papa while you're getting heaven ready for him. My heart hurts, so please tell Jesus to give me a little extra comfort. I really need it.
See you some day,
R
I had to say goodbye to you this week. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I still cannot believe that you're not here. My mind is literally exhausted from the reeling of memories and sounds and smells of my past repeating themselves over and over. I miss you already, and I so desperately need one of your hugs and for you to reassure me that it's all going to be okay. I know it is--I know that you are rejoicing in heaven with God and all of the angels. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that God greeted you with a "Well done, my good and faithful servant." And I must agree--well done, Grandma.
I am so blessed to have had you for 35 years of my life. I am so eternally grateful to God for that, and for the fact that you knew and loved my husband and children. I hate that the younger cousins will not get to share that experience, but I think that you've left such an amazing legacy that hopefully the rest of us can make up for your absence.
You would have been so proud of us this week. I kept imagining you beaming down on us from heaven. We were all together for the first time in so, so long. Uncle D & Aunt C talked and hugged even for the first time in thirty years. Uncle D & C look to be making up as well. I'm praying extra hard for that one. C was the first one to the house to be with Grandpa after we all heard the news. We were all devastated, Grandma. But Papa was our pillar of strength, as I knew he would be. His first words to me were, "Your Grandma's gone to heaven." He was very heaven-minded. D & I were talking about how shocked we were that you went before Papa. But D's husband made a great point. He said that you had taken care of Papa for so long, that you probably just went ahead to get heaven ready for him. I thought that was really comforting.
I hurt so much that it's hard to find words. I was always instantly transformed into a little girl at your house. All of a sudden, that's not the case anymore. You're gone, and I can't be Grandma's girl anymore. In the blink of an eye, I became an adult. I know that probably sounds silly, but you had the power to make me feel almost childlike, but in all the best ways. I always knew that everything was going to be okay. You have never let anything hurt me. And when horrible things happened in life, you were the first person I searched for. In my Grandma's arms was safety and comfort and protection from all of the bad in the world.
I want you to know that I honestly believe you are one of the best people God ever placed on this planet. You've led this family like no one else ever could have. D & I were saying that we think that God gave us you because He knew we were going to need you, and we did. You were there when my father, your son, walked out of my life. You were there when my daddy adopted me. You were there when my daddy died. You were there when Grandma & Grandpa B died. You were there when I graduated. You were there when I got married. You've always, always been there. I cannot tell you how blessed and so utterly grateful to God I am.
I'm sorry that G did not show up to pay his last respects. I was really hoping that he would, and I think Grandpa was hoping so, too. Clearly, none of us have ever been able to predict his actions. I have teetered between resentment and hatred and pity for him this past week. But, in this moment I know that you would tell me just to pray for him. And I will. He needs it, apparently.
K told me this week that he was proud of me. It was....I can't even find the words to tell you what that meant to me. But I am who I am because of my family. You and Papa and K and my mom, especially, but so many of the others, too.
I miss you, Grandma. I brought home the cookie jar like you told me to a couple of summers ago. I had no idea when we talked about it then that I would be taking it with me so soon. It's ironic--you had a little sleeve of nutter butter wafers in it, like you knew. I also collected all of the grapes. I'm going to send a vine each to D & C, and of course J will get some, too. I have a bottle of your perfume, because I can't imagine never smelling you again. You had the most amazing Grandma scent. I also took that silly music box that sat in the TV room for most, if not all, of my childhood--the one with the couple on it that says, "Love means never having to say I'm sorry." We had to look around for it to find it, because you had moved it at some point. But I found it. I remember growing up and getting mad because I always disagreed with the saying. I feel like it should say, "Love means caring enough to say you're sorry."
I can't delete your number from my cell phone just yet. I'm not that far yet. I can't bring myself to do it.
I hope to one day be half the woman you were. You were so immensely loved and admired and adored. I will forever, in my heart, be your girl. I am so proud to be your granddaughter. We'll take good care of Papa while you're getting heaven ready for him. My heart hurts, so please tell Jesus to give me a little extra comfort. I really need it.
See you some day,
R
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